Mr Earth Rat aka Wu Zi ę å is an elusive fellow indeed. Being a nocturnal fellow, with inclinations towards the misty, steamier side of town, it is not easy to find Mr Wu Zi and sit him down for a chat. And even then, Mr Wu Zi has a Yoda-esque way of speaking. Yes, perhaps in his last incarnation, Mr Wu Zi was Yoda (or Yoda was a Wu Zi Day Master). Thus, those in his presence often feel either like they havenāt a clue what he has said, or some deep intensely profound statement has just made its way into the universe, and if you canāt figure it out, then well, youāre not meant to know.
Such is the way of Mr Wu Zi.
Still you canāt help but be drawn to Mr Wu Zi. Despite his cryptic ways, thereās something devilishly charming about Mr Wu Zi ā a certain international man of mystery charm about him. Think Casanova, not Austin Powers please.
Like his friend Remy (who finally has to come out of the dark, into the limelight this year, after winning his Oscar for his role in Ratatouille), Mr Wu Zi finds himself at the center of attention this year. After all, it is supposed to be HIS year.
Anyway, after much effort in tracking him down, Mr Wu Zi finally agreed to have a chat with Fengshuilogy on 2008, Feng Shui master predictions and to tell us a little about himself!
Fengshuilogy: So, 2008 is here and itās your year!
Wu Zi: (yawns) ā do excuse my yawning, Iām not really used to being up at this hour of the day.
Fengshuilogy: Not a morning person eh?
Wu Zi: Not really. Iām really more of a night rat, you know what I mean? The moon comes up, and Iām at my most energetic. But during the day, Iām a bit doozy. Like a dormouse.
Fengshuilogy: You know, it was a real pain to find you ā I guess youāre not into e mail and that sort of thing.
Wu Zi: Naturally not ā Iāve been told I have a certain rogueish charm (and itās nothing to do with twitching whiskers) and really, if you have it flaunt it you know what I mean? Peach Blossom stars shouldnāt be wasted (wink wink). So I always prefer meeting people in person. And anyway, my enigmatic ways donāt translate so well in writing ā besides, being an Earth Rat, you know it takes me a LOOONG time to compose my thoughts. Although youāre not quite right about me not being into e mail. I am fond of technology (check out my new Blackberry) and I love the movies. Iām mighty pleased that one of my ilk has just won a movie for Best Animated Film. Who would have thought a film about a Rat could win an Oscar? Matter a fact, Iām trying to get a hold of Remyās agent right now. I have a brilliant business proposition for him ā you know you have Yan can Cook on television? I bet Rat Can Cook will be a hit with the ladies. Donāt under-estimate us Rat types ā we have a way with the ladiesā¦
Image from Slashfilm.com
Fengshuilogy: Youāve been described variously as āmore selfish and calculatingā and “smart, magnetic, well-liked, affable, quick-witted and protective of the ones you loveā. Is this the true you?
Wu Zi: Hmmm, are you sure that was an interview with me? You know, these reporters (and those Astrology people) love to make up stuff about me. I suppose itās because Iām such an elusive, enigmatic fellow that they have to wing some of it just to keep things interesting eh? I tell you when I visit the corner bookstore, I wonder who is writing some of this tosh about me.
I mean, selfish and calculating ā well I wonāt deny that about me, but Iām not sure my four other brothers, especially my big brother Jia Zi would agree with that assessment of them. And I have my doubts that my brother Bing Zi thinks that way about himself.
And please, if the intelligence gene was so equally distributed in this world, Einstein would not have said āonly two things are infiniteāthe universe and human stupidityā. All rats are not created equal okay? Admittedly, the element of Water represents intelligence and so arguably, all of us Rats canāt be dimwits. But hey, not all of us can get away with being smart or know how to use our smarts you knowā¦
As for the magnetic, well-liked part, well baby, when you gotta Peach Blossom, you flaunt da Peach Blossom right? Itās not wrong but I donāt think all of us Rats attract people for the same reasons. Take me for example ā Iām attractive because basically, Iām enigmatic, elusive and mysterious. Women love a good chase, and they find me rather, ahem, charming. Theyāre intrigued by what lies beneath (which by the way, I rarely reveal). Iām not sure people think the same way about my brother Jia Zi, who is the least mysterious person around and Mr Call A Spade A Spade.
Do I digress?
Fengshuilogy: No no ā letās get to know the mafia ā I mean family. There are 5 of you right? Earth Rat (Wu Zi ę å), and then thereās Fire Rat (Bing Zi äø å), Metal Rat (Geng Zi åŗ å), Wood Rat (Jia Zi ē² å ) and Water Rat (Ren Zi å£¬ å ). The Five Rats.
Wu Zi: Au contraire ā not Five Rats. *The Rat Pack*. Weāre original Rat Pack you know, my rodent brothers and I. I mean, Sinatra and all those guys, they were nothing like the REAL Rat Pack.
Fengshuilogy: Oh, tell tell.
Wu Zi: Hmm, I feel a breeze. The mist is clearingā¦and so I shall reveal to you a few secrets of the Rat Pack. Iām the middle child, so I have a bit of middle rat syndrome. But who can blame me right? When youāre sandwiched in between Mickey and Emo-Mouse, it kind of warps who you are. But anyway, Iām the kind of Rat that well, is all about the cheese, if you get my drift. And Iām not talking the parmesan kind. Iām a bottom line driven kind of rodent. Now I may be slow with words, but Iām quick with the numbers and youāll never catch me doing cruddy business deals. I can sniff them out a mile away. Nope. I get in there, get what I want, and get out. You know the term corporate raider? They were probably thinking of ME when they coined it. I sneak in, pillage, steal, swipe and grab what I can, and then before the ship hits the iceberg, Iām outta there.
Fengshuilogy: nice one ā wasnāt it YOUR year when the Titanic hit that iceberg?
Wu Zi: Oh yeah yeah ā you have been reading that article in The Edge Options! Ah ā no wonder youāre asking me all these question. But more on that laterā¦.now where was I? Yeah, corporate raiding. I was watching that film āWall Streetā and you know, it kind of reminded me of myself. Maybe they should have named Gordon Gekkoās character Gordon Ratto instead eh? I mean lizards ā puleeze. I know they look all nasty and all but really, lizards have about as much charm as dead roadkill. The rat on the other handā¦I tell you, we have animal magnetismā¦even when weāre dirty!
Fengshuilogy: But Gekko was a nasty person.
Wu Zi: Well, weāre Rats! What do you expect? Nice rats finish last ā I say. Hey, Mickey is a nice mouse ā but whoās the Rat whoās holding the Oscar huh huh? LIFO is for losers ā FIFO ā thatās my motto. First in, first out. And I donāt share nothing with no one. Deng Xiao Peng said it first āGreed is GLORIOUS!ā Hoās before Broās, Me before You, Less Rat, More Cheese you know what I mean?
Fengshuilogy: Gosh, but youāre rather chatty today for someone whoās been describe as yogi-like and yoda-esque.
Wu Zi: Youāre catching me on the upswing ā the wind is blowing.
Fengshuilogy: Err, right.
Wu Zi: Now, where was I? Oh rightā¦the Rat Pack. So thereās Wood Rat. He likes to think of himself as the top rat. Leader of the five of us. Heās a righteous type. You would never catch him with his nose down some garbage can. Forget it ā garbage is not good enough for him. Mr Clean Rat ā thatās my brother Wood Rat. Yeah ā he smells better than most of us too you know. Always setting a good example, trying to be a good guy. Even when he tries to be bad, heās being good. I mean, heās a Rat. But everyone loves him. The loveable rogue ā that has to be Jia Zi. Like my pal Remyā¦or that fella from that TV show ‘House’ ā Hugh Laurie.
Yo check-out the family album…
Goody Goody Two Rat
Fengshuilogy: So what about Mickey ā Mouse we mean.
Wu Zi: Oh him. Yeah, Mr Limelight. Mr-Donāt-Call-Me-Rat-Call-Me-Mouse. You know, he has to be better than all of us rodents because heās the one who comes out during the day. Heās the one who stands under the lights. Oh yes, Brother Bing Zi.
Fengshuilogy: Ohhh ā do we detect some resentment there?
Wu Zi: Please ā Mickey, I mean Bing Zi, leads such a boring life. You know what ā you can always tell a mile away when Mickey is trying to get up to something. I mean donāt get me wrong ā heās a sweet rodent and all that, but seriously, WOT A LOSER. A ratās gotta do what a ratās gotta do.
Poor old Mi..I mean, Bing Zi ā puts his hand in the cookie jar and gets caught by the cat right away. I mean when you come out in the daytime, of course you get caught. You know ā there are rats, and there are mice. But weāre all RODENTS right? Soā¦this holier than thou thing,Iām a mouse, youāre a rat, with Bing Zi really gets on my tailā¦I mean nerves. Personally, I think heās a bit of a failure to the rat species. Life is a rat race and my Fire Rat brother just doesnāt get that. Why canāt we all get along, he asks whenever we have a Rat Pack get togetherā¦and thatās when my lil brother Water Rat aka Ren Zi just wants to slap him across the snout and say āBECAUSE WEāRE RATS YOU IDIOTā.
Whoaā¦Iām getting all emotional hereā¦
Fengshuilogy: Yes, which is not like you right?
Wu Zi: Well I get all worked up but then it passes. It’s the Water. But things donāt phase me that much you know. Not like Emo-Mouse.
Fengshuilogy: Ah, yes, your younger brother, Geng Zi.
Wu Zi: Mr Emo-Mouse himself. That rodent has a serious bleeding heart. Gets emotionally worked up about everything. But that doesnāt concern me you know ā what concerns me is the laziness. A rat shouldnāt be lazy. A lazy rat is a starving rat.
Fengshuilogy: Tell us about Ren Zi.
Wu Zi: Him ā But he is really good with finding the fois gras amongst the garbage. Got a real nose on him there for sniffing out great business deals. I mean, who would have thought fizzy sugar water would be big the way it is today? Now he is an opportunist of the highest order. We donāt see him a lot ā heās usually in some sewer, scavenging around for some worthy scraps. Probably explains why heās a bit on the tubby side.
Fengshuilogy: Euh ā the sewer? How gross.
Wu Zi: Well, he has his way with the ladies too. You know, women are always attracted to him for different reasons ā still waters run deep. They peer into his eyes, and see great depths to his personality and they just want to find out more and more about him. And he has a way with words, although I think he tends to reserve them for shareholders meetings. The guy can be a real bore you know ā always about the money, always about making money. But anyway, enough about me and my rodent ilkā¦I think Iāve given too much of the game awayā¦we’ll talk again…next week…gotta go!